Hi, I’m back. I’m not dead. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel awkward or nervous about writing this post because I am. A couple of weeks ago I tweeted out that I’d be taking a break from blogging for a week or so. Since then I feel I have been practically a ghost on all forms of social media. For the most part I was either silently liking and retweeting stuff or not even interacting at all. First of all I want to apologise, if you have commented on anything on here or mentioned me on twitter or followed me and I haven’t responded yet I am so sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t been liking, commenting or trying to promote and support you guys on here. I love to chat and support you all and I feel awful for not doing what I normally do.

This absence of mine is because a really bad bout of depression set in. When I get in states like that I kind of curl in on myself and stop interacting with people because I cannot physically do it. My heart isn’t in it and I don’t want to fake happiness and I also don’t want to be a downer and make people depressed or mad at me for being so dark and depressing. When this kind of depression sinks in I lose interest in everything and everything seems like too much hassle. This time that also unfortunately included blogging which is something I get so much joy out of doing. Hell even my love of anime has been dwindling these past few weeks and that scares me. Up until today I haven’t properly touched a keyboard in what seems like forever. I also struggle with self-esteem issues and so over the past few days I have been wondering if anyone has noticed my absence or would notice if I never returned to the blogging scene. Currently I’m trying to get some help for how I’m feeling but it’s a struggle. 

I didn’t want to jump right back into blogging and social media without explaining myself and pretending everything is fine now. As much as I try to be positive and supportive I’m only human and sometimes things are too much for me. Since I have such a weird and messed up thought process I find in these hard times that it is best for me to disappear for a while and come back when I have perked up a bit. Today is a day where I have managed to perk up and bit and actually sit down and type something. This is a good sign and I’m hoping I will continue to perk up a bit each day.

The one thing that I don’t want to come from this post is that I’m asking for attention. In fact I’m the kind of person who tries to keep attention away from themselves in fear of being a bother. I spend a lot of time keeping things to myself I think for once I wanted to let someone, whoever may be reading this what I’m really feeling. I’m a bit tired of bottling everything up. Nothing is going to cure me or change my mental state at the moment, besides finding some professional help, but I just wanted to come on here and be honest. I’m unsure whether this could be classed as a vent or rant or not. Whatever it might be it’s not like what I usually post. 

I want my blog and my social media to be a fairly upbeat and positive space for anyone who visits. I try my hardest to make content that is good and isn’t going to be a downer for people when reading. I love being silly, passionate and adding humour to what I do. Even if it’s doing a review of something that I found appalling I like to add humour or sarcasm to make it entertaining and fun. I want to interact with you guys with the best, most positive and caring attitude I could possibly give you. I love helping people and making people happy and feel good about themselves. I know this post is far from positive and upbeat and I apologise for that being the case. I don’t want to come across that I’m asking for support or attention or anything like that. I’m not, that isn’t the intention of this post. In fact whilst writing this my brain has convinced me that someone will get mad or upset with me for this post or the fact I haven’t been doing what I normally do. My brain somehow thinks someone will be annoyed at me because I’m human and not some constant positivity robot. I know none of this makes sense but that’s how screwed up my mind is currently and trying to escape these thoughts isn’t easy. 

I’m hoping to start writing and scheduling posts again soon and get my schedule back up and running. All I ask is that you guys be patient with me while I dig my way out of all this. You guys have all been so amazing to me so far and I hope you continue to support and interact with me even when I have times like this. This post is going to be one of the few times where I feel like I’m being a total downer and have nothing of real substance to bring to the table but I hope you guys have some better understanding of how I’m feeling right now. I think all I want is for others to understand me a bit better. I’m not asking for help or a cure just for some acceptance and understanding.

If you have gotten this far then thank you so much for reading this and I hope you are having a good day today.


30 thoughts

  1. So proud of you for writing and posting this, hun! I know it can’t have been easy but it’s so important that you’re able to be completely honest and open with your followers. Youre right, you are only human so nobody can expect you to be on top form all the time! You’re amazing and I’m glad you’ve been feeling a bit happier lately! Hopefully it will continue ❤️ Love you! Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much hun! That means the world to me 💖 it wasn’t easy and I almost keep deleting it because it’s a scary thing to do. I think being honest is probably the best thing to do even if it’s scary! Thank you hun! You’re support is incredible and I’m so thankful to have you! You’re the best! Love you too ❤️ xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know how you feel! But sometimes the most important things to say are also the scariest/most nerve-wracking (remember mine a couple of weeks ago 😏😂) but can also be the most rewarding! I’m sure you’ll receive all the support you deserve ❤️ I’m so thankful to have you too, always remember that! 💕 Xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Take your time. Every person goes through depression at some point, and sometimes, some moreso than others.

    I remember to fight off my depression, I instead blogged everyday, and that just ended up making me tired and feel discontent at the crap I wrote, so I deleted a lot of that.

    It’s definitely better to recover first. Once you’ve dug yourself out, we’ll be above the hole reaching out a hand.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Hey, I get it. I’ve delt with depression and its impact on your ability to blog. Even if you want to, you sometimes just can’t.

    Accept your limits (and of course seek professional help). We all accept them and are still here. 😺

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with the demon that is depression but it’s always nice to know others understand! Yes that’s exactly how it feels at times which is frustrating!

      Thank you so much! I’ll try my best to whilst I wait for some help to come through! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I appreciate you being so open and honest with us, Sam! I truly do. ❤ Of course your absence was not left unnoticed by us, and we'll always be here! I am glad that you wrote this post, but yes health is priority. Take as much time as you need – we're not going anywhere. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sure you’ve heard this quite a bit already, but I’m going to say it again anyway: You never ever have to apologise for self-care, even if that means stepping back and seeking refuge in the shadows (off the socials) for a bit.

    I struggle with TERRIBLE depression, and recently found myself in one of the worst depressive episodes I have ever had. I know quite intimately what it feels like to check out of life for a while and not interact with anyone on the outside. Like you, I don’t want to be a downer or make other people depressed, or make them feel like they have an obligation to cheer me up. In most cases, that will just enhance all of the depressive emotions and feelings that I have going on. Usually when my depression reaches a specific level of intensity, I sleep. I sleep for DAYS until it starts to subside. It’s not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it is one that has helped me crawl out of the worst of the worst days with the least amount of time. If you feel like you needed time for yourself, then we I will respect that and be understanding. That is one thing that I love about our little community of bloggers: the support network. As long as we know that you are safe, we will give you all of the time that you need; all of the time in the whole wide world.

    With that said, as I mentioned, I battle depression constantly. If you ever want someone to talk to, so that you can get all of that negativity out and off your chest (keeping it bottled or buried will only become burdensome and make you feel worse), you are ALWAYS welcome to contact me, whether in the DMs on Twitter, or I can give you my phone number. I don’t even have to talk back, just be an ear that will send you the occasional emoji. If that’s too much, try writing it down. Sometimes when my depressive episodes become too much, I will open up a Word document on my computer and just write it all out. Most of the times it’s just me typing AAAAAHHHHH, or a bunch of random letters over and over because I need to get out of my mind. Other times I will write pages and pages of stuff, whether they are inconsequential ramblings of what I ate or saw on my walk, or deep thoughts on the problems I have going on. Then afterwards, I delete it. I put it into my Recycle Bin, and hit “empty.” For me, it’s a physical and mental way of literally throwing away my pain to make room for something better.

    I’m sorry, I went on and on. TL;DR–but yes, your health and your self-care will always be more important than anything else. If blogging helps, blog. If taking a break is better-no matter how long-take a break. Just be safe because we love you and respect you. You are a blogger that always helps me smile. Sometimes I will feel so unbelievably shitty, Sam, and reading your comments or seeing your small messages on Twitter, are the only things to make me smile and feel like I will be okay; that someone gives a genuine shit. If I can ever return the same kindness and inspiration, don’t ever, EVER hesitate to hit me up. ♥♥♥

    (Sorry again for the mini essay, and all the grammar not-so-right stuff).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww this made me tear up a bit I’m not going to lie! Thank you so so much! You are so sweet and supportive and that means so much to me. Don’t apologise for writing a mini essay as it makes me happy to know that you took the time to write all this for me!

      I’m so sorry you have to deal with depression and know what it feels like! Although it’s upsetting to know that you suffer to it’s also very comforting to know that others understand how I feel. I understand the sleep thing and going in on myself is probably my coping mechanism so I get that. I love how wonderful and supportive this community is! I have never been surrounded by such amazing and positive people online up until starting a blog. The support and understanding of everyone warms my heart!

      Thank you so much for the offer! I will keep this in mind when I’m having bad days. The fact that you offer this to me means so much. The word document thing sounds like a great idea. I think it’s something I will try out when I’m really struggling and then tossing it out when your done sounds like such an awesome way to get rid of the negativity.

      Please don’t be sorry! As reading this put a smile on my face and brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so very much! It makes me so happy to know that I can help make you smile with my messages! I always feel it’s worth taking a couple minutes out of my day to try and help someone feel a bit better if they are suffering. I do care so very much and want to make you feel better when you’re struggling! Again thank you so much! You are such a wonderful person and I’m thankful to have a friend like you! 💜💜

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Welcome back! I think its still important for you to talk to people and let them know of the problems you are having outside of the online community. But we definitely will support you where we can! It may not seem like much, but as everyone else have shown, we’ll still encourage you nonetheless!
    Pace yourself, and take it easy 🙂
    If it helps, here’s a party balloon as an additional welcome gift 🎈 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Yes I agree with that and fortunately I have done that already in order to get some help! The support means everything to me during these times!

      Thank you so much! I really appreciate that little party balloon! 😄

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s